dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
