Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
