he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
