her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
