so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
