My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
