I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
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If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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