Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
