SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
