My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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