I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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