apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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