Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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