I look better un-naked...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
