It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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