Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
