i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
