yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
