thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
