My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
