Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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