Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
