Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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