I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
