Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
