I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
