i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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