not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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