Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
