Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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