I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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