i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
