I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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