So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
