hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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