Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize