One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
