i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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