Midget sex pt 2 tonight
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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