what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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