just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
