I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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