i permit you to call me
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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