i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
