as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
