the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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