i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
