Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
