1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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