...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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