I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
