Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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