The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
