I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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