M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
