The maid of honor just puked.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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