guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
