You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
