OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
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It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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