At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
