Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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