i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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