You're completely useless in the revolution.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
