i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
