i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He passed out mid-signature
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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