I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
