He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
barbara walters just said penis...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
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she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
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He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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