My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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