She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
