What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we're making bets on your personal life
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
