Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
