dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
