im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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