Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
