I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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