I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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