Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
