you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
