i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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