after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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