If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize