how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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