Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
