I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
