They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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