what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
