he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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