the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
