hotel room ftw
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
