Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
