You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
