did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
