So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
